30^th August, 2010. Ma expired. Since my childhood and till date the majority of my deeds have been immensely influenced by her. Right from brushing my teeth twice a day to putting Vaseline at night before sleeping, all was taught by her.

I had never imagined, I would feel this hopeless. I so wanted to be with her, meet her for one last time and hug her gently. Her stories which she cut from newspapers and waited eagerly for us to listen to them, the way she tried her best to put in full expressions in the story. I will miss the way she used to explain Ambesh not to be naughty and then the way she used to get scared if he jumped around. Nana’s house would never be the same without her. In fact I don’t think I would ever enjoy myself in that place.

Each time we visited Ma-Nana, Ma would always be like eat this, you have become so weak, “Hum banu ji se bata denge”… How I wish I could gift her perfumes and creams, she was so fond of them. The amount we used to scold her for taking so long to take a bath and eating sweets on the sly.

The last time I met her she gave me money saying that she would not live till my next visit to Lucknow. Somya lied to her that she would come in August and she said “ I know you all lie, aur fir nahi aate ho”….

Life had become so fast paced that I did not even bother to take out time to call her up or even go to meet her when I was in Lucknow. She is no more…. But her memories are one of my most priced possessions…

I want god to give me ma in each life. May her soul rest in peace. I want to tell you that I love you a lot. And I miss you all the time….

I needed sunshine in my days

something to wash away the pain.......

I saw a very gentle side of him

That took my heart

and Made it sing

I wish he’d run away

And hide with me

Love hurts so much more

Than it seems

There was one thing

I didn’t show I love him

and He doesn’t know.

SOMUUUU.... :)

YOU CAN KID THE WORLD, BUT NOT YOUR SISTER.

She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense counsel, your mediator, even your analyst. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child! But most of the time she’s the only one who you see and your mind says “Wish we could be kids again!”

This one is for my Confidant, my li’l sis… Somya… J

I would like to thank you for giving me the most cherished flashes of my life…

The sharing of clothes, dancing in the rain, the way you used to cry when mamma used to beat me up, those days when we returned from school and I used to spend all my money to treat you both, the way we went for coaching and begged Jai Shankar Bahia to stop the FIAT far from the class!...

Those times when we used to go mad laughing at the, “maiya is mary and jesus is ram jokes!!” the way mamma threatened us with, “ I will tell to FATHER” The way bhai used to request you to ask papa in English to allow us to go out! The way you used to make your maggi and dr was more of the soup than the noodles!!... hahaha that was so sweet… J

Those times when we both used to lie down on the back seat of the car and pretend to sleep so that we could be carried inside! The way Ambesh used to cry for us before we went back to the boarding. The times when we were pissed to hear from papa that “Betu you have just one sister and one brother in this world” and today I realize that yes indeed I have JUST one sister and I am glad I have you…

There is ample to write about and so much to say…

We have grown so big, times have changed and so have we but what bonds us together are those blissful days of our childhood which no matter what will be etched clearly in our hearts and will always be the ONLY common thing we have!

“You keep your past by having sisters. As you get older, they're the only ones who don't get bored if you talk about your memories.”

THE GIRL IN ME...

The girl in me…. who is unlike any other girl and deserves to be loved and cared for.

For every girl who wants to be loved without an ounce of selfish feeling.

The girl who struggles to keep up with your ever changing moods but you fail to do so when she behaves in the same way.

For the girl who has left behind her everything, her parents, sister, her brother, that room she cherished, that house she grew up in. Just to adopt your house, your ways, your family and all what you want her to be.

One who has never worked that hard in the kitchen or has never mopped the floor just like you or your sister hasn’t as she too was relishing her childhood days and was busy with her studies to fulfill her parent’s dreams just the way you have been trying to do.

The girl who has been loved and pampered by her parents just the way you have been and yet cannot dare to demand equal treatment from your parents.

The one who was not born a perfect masterpiece and has been learning as days pass, just like you.

The girl who is equally imperfect as you and can commit the same mistakes you do and yet is shouted at for the same.

One who dislikes certain aspects of your behavior but is willing to adjust just because you would not change yourself.

The girl who is shouted at each time she buys you a gift of her choice and yet is expected to smile and agree with the things you buy her even if she doesn’t like it.

One who knows how to party, drink, and enjoy just the way you do, but won’t because you don’t want her to do it.

The girl who has male friends who have helped her since childhood and also been with her in her worst of times, yet she would not talk to them just because you don’t want her to.

Someone who likes to dress up like other girls and make friends but won’t simply because of your insecurities.

Someone who by mistake spills the food on her clothes or dirties the bed sheet she eats food on but is yelled at even if you do the same and laugh it off.

The girl who has put aside all her respect to be with you and at the end of the day is blamed to have ruined your life!

LOOKING BACK ON THE TIMES WHEN....

LOOKING BACK ON THOSE TIMES WHEN…

I feared Mom more than a ghost,

When my sis would carry my luggage all the way to the dormitory just for “2” Rupees,

When I would turn into a ghost every night to scare Somya and Ambesh by putting toothpaste on my face,

When I used to spend all my saved pocket money on my sis and bro jus to make them happy,

When Dadi asked for a glass of water and I missed my favourite song on TV and later on cried for hours,

When Somya and I used to sit in the back room of our kitchen hogging all the snacks which had to be served to the guests,

When our biggest fights were those for Maggi and Coldrink share,

When Ambesh used to cry when we used to go back to hostel after our holidays,

When the bravest thing on earth was opening Nanas fist after eating all sorts of healthy stuff,

When the most famous competition won was ‘Who finishes their milk first!’

When Ma (grandmom) would tell us stories and we used to be all scared and shocked,

When Sunita Di used to feed 10 of us from the same plate and we used to wait for our turn eagerly,

When we had those dreaded KBC sessions in Papa’s room,

When Mamma used to come from “Nowhere” and catch us talking on phone or sitting online,

When my biggest crush was ‘Salman Khan’ and best movie ‘KKHH’,

When we used to get just 3 rupees as pocket money on weekends and enjoy,

When I used to steal hajmola from amma’s bag!,

When Ambesh would go running to do my work if I called him ‘Papa’,

When Somya and I would lie down on the back seat of the car and there would still be space to accommodate someone,

When Papa would say “Sunn” and Ambesh said “Suna”,

When Mamma would threaten us to “tell to father!!”,

When Tauji made us write tables and each of use to struggle hard to count and finish off asap,

When Esha di meesha di eskandh ambesh somya n I use to go for dance classes and laugh our heads off making fun of the dance teacher and then return back all stuffed in one car!,

When Mansi di and Esha di became the King and Queen and the rest of us soldiers who were to guide their Palace(room) in the scorching sun and fight battles!!!.... hahaha,

When while playing our most favorite game Titanic-Titanic, our ship drowned and we use to splash water in the whole room!!! And later on be beaten up,

When Meesha Di and I sat behind the curtain without fan and stitched clothes for our dolls!

I wish I could relive those halcyon days of my childhood….